I went on to read the three others' and the smile on my face continued to grow. One of the judges stated that it was gripping and rated it as ready for publication which gave me hope.
I loved the constructive criticism I received too; there was one piece of advice in particular that I found helpful and I wanted to share it with my blog friends. Now, know that this isn't the easiest thing for me to do. I'm sharing my manuscript weakness' for all to read and that in itself scares me a little. But the advice is so helpful that I can't not share it! So, with a deep gulp, here it is:
"Phrases like I saw, I noticed, etc signifies telling. For example:
I noticed the older passengers helping the younger ones.
To make the sentence more active, just say Older passengers helped younger ones. Or you could be more specific and show one passenger help a younger passenger with a specific activity.
Showing and active sentences create a much stronger, powerful scene."
Now, I've heard it a thousand times, "show not tell!", and I've tried to do just that, but this judge actually gave me an example which brought it to a whole new level. I will definitely be hunting for those hints of telling rather than showing and eradicating them pronto!
As I re-read the feedback over and over again, I'll continue to post the advice I find particularly helpful. In the meantime, what are your thoughts on this judges show not tell advice?