Tuesday, October 30, 2012

A Deliciously Dark Scene for Halloween!!!

Hi Guys!! First off, the conference was AMAZING!!! I'm a believer now. Conferences are musts. Period. 

But, I'm not posting about my conference experience today. 

Lets celebrate Halloween!!! WOOHOO!!!

And to usher in the night of fright, I'd like to post a deliciously dark scene from the manuscript I'm currently querying, Dark Waters. I'm posting this to read and have fun, and I'm hoping you'll find a deliciously dark scene from your book and post it too! But, just to be clear, I'm not posting this for critiques. By the way, the ancestors of my main character, Allura, were man-eaters. ;)

I absorbed the air pushed into my body and my nose rose with a jerk. Blood tainted oxygen shot through my nostrils and swirled across my pores.
My nose led the way as I skipped behind him, far enough back to keep anyone from noticing he had a follower. I felt like whistling as I skipped, like a school-girl anticipating a lollipop.  Only, I didn’t wear pigtails and I wasn’t interested in licking to find out what was in the center of my brand of tootsie roll pop.
Mr. Tasty rounded the corner of the back of the school. I slowed my pace and scanned the surroundings. We were far from the student parking lot and there were no teachers around. We were alone.
I edged closer to the corner. Mr. Tasty’s scent stirred nearby. My heart pounded. A drop of acid fell onto my tongue. I savored the taste. My fists clenched and the muscles in my legs began to twitch. I gripped the wood slats my body pressed against. My nails dug into the forgiving surface.
I pushed my body from the building and leapt into the path of Mr. Tasty. He eyed me skeptically before pulling something from his pants pocket. Old green trash dumpsters boxed him in between the building and me.
“What do you want?” he asked, lighting a blunt.
I eyed the muscles in his forearm as they contracted and stretched with every flick of the lighter. My jaw twitched, anxious to sink my teeth in and tear. The edges of my mouth tightened.
“Smiles won’t get you anywhere with me. I don’t share.”
I took a step closer to him.
He shrugged and breathed out a puff of dense smoke.
I inhaled through my nose and absorbed the air into my pores, relishing the scent he exuded. The smoke smelled somewhat like his blood, tinges of earthy musk. Billows of red clouded my mind. Blankets of scarlet wrapped our surroundings like fabric. No more dumpsters. No more school. Just me and Mr. Tasty and the promise of a crimson satin embrace. The assurance that a perpetual emptiness would soon be filled. The knotting and twisting of my stomach would be calmed. The painfully loud pulsating in my temples would be satisfied.
A thud sounded. Then another, and another. My feet pounded the pavement but it felt more like I was floating to him. I didn’t know if his breath caught, or if Mr. Tasty screamed out as I lunged at him. I only heard the thudding in my chest and head.
He fell back to the cement and I toppled down with him. The blunt dropped from his mouth. His eyes were large circles of white. I sat on his stomach, straddling him. It seemed he didn’t know whether to push me off or stick his hand up my shirt. I knew, though. I knew what was next.
My right hand pressed over his mouth and my left hand grabbed his arm. That’s when he started to struggle. When he realized I wasn’t on top of him for his pleasure.
No. It was for mine.
I forced his forearm up and sunk my teeth into the flesh.
Oh sweet mother of…
A spasm ricocheted through my muscles as I tore at the fibers of his. I pulled my face from his arm. His leg. I wanted his leg too. As a repositioned my hold on him, a sound broke through my red wall of euphoria. An animal sound.
Immediately I clung to my prey. Mine. No animal would steal my target; I had tracked and hunted him. They hadn’t. A low growl vibrated from my curled lips. I swung my gaze to stare face-to-face at a large, hairy dog. It barked over and over. I raised my arm to smack it away when the red haze slowly lifted. It was barking. At me. Not to fight me for my meal, but to alert others.
I jumped back and crouched near Mr. Tasty’s feet.
“Help!” he yelled as the dog yapped and snarled at me. “Help!”
I scurried on top of him again and shoved my right wrist into his mouth. The bracelet stifled his shouts. I couldn’t risk him remembering me. I forced my wrist harder into his mouth until he choked and gagged.
“I’m so sorry,” I whispered. “I’m so sorry.”
The dumpster did little to block me as I jumped over the square bin and ran to a door behind the school. The dog followed me, barking, proclaiming to the world what I’d just done. 


  1. Ooh! Creepy! Definitely a perfect snippet for Halloween. I really love the tension throughout this, as well as the descriptions. Helps make the scene so vivid and in-the-moment! It was also so fun to see a girl be a creeper for a change, instead of a guy. You don't really see much of that in books!

    1. Thanks! That's exactly why I wanted to write about Allura. :) I wanted the creeping to be done by the girl! ;)

  2. Whoa! New scene? Love it :) Very intense!

    1. Thanks! Yeah, I added a few new scenes to tighten the tension and clean up the subplots. :)This guy is Mr. Tasty, right after the classroom scene.

    2. Very nice :) And very impressed with your revisions here!

    3. Thanks, I'm glad. It was really fun to write. ;)

  3. Freaky! Great scene. Descriptive and tense. She's very animalistic, which I loved.

    Shannon at The Warrior Muse